My Life with a Grain of Salt: Spoon 2

I Think I Know Why I'm So Mad

I really hate this part about growing up (and working in corporate America): Sucking it all up and just let it go. Oh my berattles!

Part of me is angry because I cannot believe that losers and incompetent jerks are getting away with the mess they do.

As for the other part (and most of importantly), I am angry at myself for letting this eat me up.

No, I am not planning to go back and see the psychologist anymore. Nothing wrong with her, she is actually excellent. My pride won't let me go back. I really need to tell myself to resolve this feeling a.k.a issue on my own. This is the best way for me to learn. However, I am old enough to understand that if I get stuck again, then yes, I'll concede to my damn pride and go back. But for now, I think I can handle it. At least, I want to try handling it myself.

I sat back a few days ago and wondered why am I so mad. Like really, really mad that I don't feel like settling until I can get a chance to tell her "You mother(*&$%#, you can just go and *&$! yourself!" But of course, I cannot and probably never will be granted the opportunity to say that to her.

I think I kinda know why. Note that I used the word "think". You have to remember, I am still in the process of growing up, so these are just me talking out loud.

One: At the core, I am a perfectionist. Thus, I really dislike anything that is closely related to imperfection, particularly inefficiency. That just drives me bonkers.

Two: I acknowledge that I was born to work like a machine a.k.a workaholic. Thus, I really, really hate lazy people. You can be stupid, but if you are diligent, you'll earn respect from me. If you are not only stupid, but lazy on top of that, you can dream to even get a drip of respect from me. Respect is EARNED.

They said the first step to solving a problem is to identify the root of the cause. I think I am heading towards the right direction. I'll revisit this topic again. I think I need to sit on it.

Writing has been quite helpful, I must say.

My Life with a Grain of Salt: Spoon 1

A Letter to an Incompetent Jerk I Work With:

You Cannot Buy Me to be Your Friend

First of all, you are not even giving me money. If you think by giving me clippings from magazines of flowers and saying that "Everytime I see flowers, I think of you" will melt my soul, THINK AGAIN.

You backstabbed me once, you dragged me to my boss' office for being disrespectful because I don't look at your shitface when you said "good morning". So tell me, what reasons do I have to actually believe that your gesture is sincere?

Let me tell you, sweetheart, I am just trying my best to work with you. I have ZERO intention to be your friend. And I'll tell you why.

People who I consider my friends, they do NOT backstab me.

They do NOT throw tantrums and asking me to respect them.

They are grown ups who actually know that RESPECT IS EARNED.

So tell me what have you done that's worth the respect you ever so demand?

You are so incompetent at so many things, belittling and "projects" you have asked for my assistance were insults to my intelligence. If we were to be on the same level, you would be nothing but a joke.

Just because you have the title "manager" does not make you know how to manage.

You are just a glorified coordinator. Give me a stinkin' break.

But don't worry, sweetie pie, I won't be nastier when I see your face.

I am just telling you that I will never put my guard down.

I was stupid enough to let myself fall into your traps twice, but I am not THAT moronic to jump in for the 3rd time. So you can take your wishful thinking and your so called "kind gesture" to hell cuz this one doesn't buy it.

Sincerely,

Me

My Life with a Grain of Salt: Epilogue

You know how sometimes old memories come flashing by and you wish you could write them all down so you won't forget? I think I'm in that kind of mood today. I have always wanted to write about some moments in my life. I thought about maybe writing a novel about it, but hell, I'm not a good writer. However, I am the kind who needs to execute my ideas because I don't want to have regrets and I definitely don't like asking "what if" questions. I think this blogging format works best. I don't care who reads the stories I write, all I care about is putting them out there. Better than just having those sentences stuck in my head and went unspoken.

River Crest Golf Club and Preserve, Oaks, PA

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